Thoughts

Some random thoughts. Sometimes I write stuff I think might be worth keeping. So here it goes.

I'll let you in on some inner thoughts of mine:

I have a decent life. I can do most of what I want to. I have a decent job. I have fantastic kids & gf(s!), house, a car I like. I play guitar¸ I have projects, draw, practice archery…

… But for some reason, and especially when I'm on my own, none of that really seems to matter and I feel like nothing I do will make a difference / be noticed / be worthwhile. So I sit and vegetate in front of the TV, or sleep. Or I mooch about the house and get nothing done. Its depressing and I hate it. I have projects I want to be doing *right now* but I cant bring myself to even look at them. I've been here for 12 months and havent even unpacked most of my dragon ornaments.

I feel like I want to end things and just forget about it all, far too much of the time.

I personally believe that many, possibly even MOST people feel this way. I think people are scared to admit they feel like this.

I think that if people would actually admit to themselves that this is how they feel, and talk about it, other people might identify and talk back.

But how do you talk about it? You dont tell your friends because you dont want to 'bring them down' (society tells us this is bad). So you go to a support group or something? well, that'd be great except that I cant even do the things I want to, let alone something ELSE as well. And who wants to talk to a bunch of depressives anyway, right?

Bollocks to that. Society is wrong. If you cant talk about stuff like this to your friends, then what kind of friends are they? And they are probably as scared of telling you they feel *exactly like this* too, so maybe they are waiting for you to tell them how you feel, or ask them how they are and not just take “Oh fine!” for an answer.

So… hands up anyone who thinks there might be a hint of truth in this? Am I just depressed and fucked up, or is everyone (including their therapist!) justy like this and too damn scared to open their mouth and admit it?

I dunno if this help(s/ed) so tell me to just STFU if it doesnt and I'll go be depressive by myself…